I've been surfing the net alot these holidays.
Going through people's Facebook and Friendster profile.
Then suddenly I saw some one familiar in Friendster.
I looked closer and it was my cousin.
I was shocked. I was thinking to myself "she has what now?!".
Time flies.
People grow.
Yes they do.
At a blink of the eye.
It's sooo weird. The little girl I used to say goo-goo-gaa-gaa to,has Friendster?
Zomg. Not only her. Few of my younger cousins that I used to play hide-and-go-seek with.
They have all grown up into Friendster-addicted-teenagers,
with pictures of them with all the lala clothes and monokorobu black and white bags.
And strangely, all my female cousins or relative that has these profiles are of those which we call
" LA-LAs".
I think it's because my family background is of those that are more of the typical chinese side.
Those family that don't need a mic because you can hear them from a mile away.
In other words, they're not exposed to the western world.
I wonder why I'm not like them. Hmm..
I once compared my aunty to my mom (please don't compare,it's bad).
My aunty has gone through college and stuffs and is 'exposed' to the western world.
My mom? Well..she's not.
And if I were to them together in the same room.
You'll see the huge difference.
My mom is, once again, like those typical very very chinese people.
She shouts instead of speaking nicely.
She says "you can't do it" instead of "you can do it".
Total opposite from my aunty.
Sometimes I say I HATE my mom but eventually goes away.
She's done alot for me and I know it.
But I just don't know how to express my thankfulness.
That's probably cause my family doesn't express our feelings out.
So if you see me crying out of the sudden..
It's probably because I've kept my feelings to myself for too long and I couldnt take it anymore.
I just wish I have some one I can actually trust.
I've trusted people and I've told them alot of things but I get hurt by them at the end.
I think I've harddened my heart.
Sometimes, I might be a b*tch or whatever you call it.
I regret it. I do. I wanna say sorry but I can't find the courage to do it.
I've hurt people, I admit.
Hurting them, hurts me.
I would think of it for days.
It'll just eat me alive.
But I just can't find a way to say sorry.
Sometimes when I've found the courage to say sorry, I'm afraid of what would happen after that.
So that's why I ignore people that I had a fight with or hurt.
I'm afraid of what would happen next.
Also, sometimes I don't know when I've hurt some one until one day they tell me.
I seriously have no idea.
I'm just speaking out my thoughts.
AngelKein.
3 voices.:
Hey. Talk to me. You don't need them if they are really causing more harm than goods.
And also cry if you need to. It helps heals inside, it just does.
aren't I already talking to you?
hey girl, cheer up! (: it's good to let your thoughts out every now and then. never suppress your feelings. that's the last thing to do. cry if needed too. it's not a sign of weakness. (: cheer up!
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