10 July 2014

Melbourne Taught Me The Value of Family

This was written a week ago.

As Im writing this, Im sitting on the plushy, comfortable queen size bed that is of my mothers hotel room. Its been six months since I was last in the presence of my mother and to be in it again, itsemotional. There are tears buffering, ready to splash at the appearance of any opportunity, but right now, because were with other people, its on hold.

Im unsure with what Im feeling. Its more of sadness than of joy, and it bothers me because I want to be fully overjoyed, but yet again, I am caught in the replaying loop of worries and thoughts of the future and not fully engulfing myself in the happiness that is of the now.

Anyway, I have to speak a little about family and how since being in Melbourne I have learned to appreciate it far more than ever in my life. I suppose it requires not having something at a convenient distance, or just at convenience in general, to fully grasp the greatness of it.

Family was never a subject I was very interested in. Every time asked of, it was shrugged off. I suppose I went through the infamous phase of teenage I-dont-need-family rebellion. Melbourne has really changed my view on so many aspects of things and forced me to grow far more and far quicker than I ever would if I was in the comforts of Malaysias arms. If I were to leave Melbourne learning and gaining nothing, I can at least say that I have packed on an appreciation for family. Blood is blood.

While were on the subject of family this could be a little off the topic- I wish that I could be less of me. To further elaborate what I mean, and this is probably rather Asian to say, but I suppose I wish I could be more of a doctor or a lawyer or anything of equal (monetary) status, to give my departure from home for a higher education more validity. I feel guilty sometimes for being so much of myself, of being a creative, of taking the risky path of the arts and potentially not being able to bring home the $$$mulah$$ for the home. I wish I could be a little less of me so I can be more of a boast for the family.

I'm very unsure of the future at the moment. I don't really know where I'm going. I used to be so sure and now I've lost all certainty. I have spoken to a few friends about this, some more mature in age than others, and they told me not to worry because even they, a decade more experienced in life than me, do not know where they are heading. My mother told me recently that all these matters are minuscule and that happiness should be prioritized over monetary gains. It's comforting to hear that, but I still can't stop the worrying. I swear worrying has been the reasons for the new wrinkles on my forehead.

Someone help me stop.

Love, AngelKein

27 June 2014

Vlogging- Brighton Beach

It's been awhile since I lay my thoughts here. Life is rather overwhelming at the moment. There's so much to do and so much worries. I'm constantly struggling with finding the perfect balance between being happy or being stable. My perception of what being happy is in my life is to live my dream, and that dream means constant traveling and videoing/photographing things, and being stable, which is what society describes as normality, having a career, steady income, being under someone's rules of what you are to do with your time and majority of your life. This is the biggest struggle I have at the moment. I'm not very sure where I'm going to end up and it scares me and I unnecessarily worry far too much for my own wellbeing.

Anyway, I'll dwell on it more some time soon, but right now, I'd like to tell you guys that I'm starting to vlog again. I mean, I have vlogged before in the past, but that was a combined situation with my friend, but at the moment, I'd like to dip my feet into vlogging for myself.

I did say in the vlog that I was walking in Melbourne and realized how pictures don't really capture the full beauty of things and people. Pictures, or photography in general, I love to death, always have and always will, but pictures do not capture the swing of things. The way someone moves, the way they speak, the way their frown turn into a smile, the sound of their laughter, the pitch of their voice, and all those beautiful qualities. Pictures standstill, videos flow.

Another purpose, I suppose, is for my own sanity and happiness. Right now, videoing things make me feel the happiness that I once felt when I photographed and write on this site. I'm not sure where the excitement for those two latter went, but I guess it seeped into this new found outlet of mine that is videoing.

I'm not very good at this and do not know the gist of vlogging, but I have to push myself to do it or I'll constantly live in the shadows of what-ifs.

Moving on.

We were at Brighton Beach, south east of Melbourne. It was really, really a much needed adventure and little vacation. There's an essence about the beach that spills joy and calmness, even when it's raging with high waves and loud splashes. I find little trips like this to be refreshing and restarts the soul. Better yet is the good company. But it's always the company. My core belief: "A place is only as good as the people you know in it. It's the people that make the place."

Hope you like it!

Love, AngelKein

18 June 2014

Citrusy ABCs

In typography class, we were given a fun task to make letters with things around the house. I was considering several objects around the building, but on my right, in an overnight, unwashed bowl lay some mandarin orange peels. Organic was my idea! Mounted my camera on my trusty tripod, grabbed my bowl of orange skins, marched into my backyard, and spent a couple of hours producing these. It was a fun project. 

It's nice to have little tasks like this. Sometimes I try so hard to be creative, I strain myself and end up not doing anything at all. Small assignments like this give a refreshing 'splash' to my artistic soul.

Love, AngelKein

10 June 2014

Sun In My Hair

I'm not sure what I think of Melbourne's weather anymore. I used to shun it a dab, but right now, even in the cold, I've formed a liking for it. I used to think I'm a huge meteoropathic, but at the moment, even in the wet, downcast, and grey days that is Melbourne's winter, I'm pretty joyful. I have conjured up a theory. I've formulated that perhaps it is not the weather that alters my mood, but instead the memories that were tied to those weather/time-of-the-day. A month ago evenings drained and saddened me horribly because for some time I had some unpleasant memories of missing and losing, but now that those recollections no longer affects me and new lovely, sweet, and cute events have replaced, I no longer dread evenings. 

Am I making sense?

These pictures were taken a while back. A friend got me a tripod for my birthday and I put it to use in my backyard when the sun's rays was not shy to shine through.

Love, AngelKein

08 June 2014

Botanical Saturday

Remember when I said I'd be going around Melbourne to do some free things? Well, I checked off one of it yesterday. The Royal Botanical Gardens Melbourne was one of the destination on the list. It's not the crazy exciting, but it's gorgeous. Spend your day walking through this beautifully landscaped 36 hectares of garden with your beloved friends and family and perhaps have a picnic by the lake. The elegance of the place will help you forget the hustle, bustle, urban clutter that is the city. Also, what a great place for photoshoots!

Despite the rain and the ruined shoes, I had a great Saturday at the garden. With free time being such a scarce luxury, just hanging out with friends is such a vacation, and Brock, Lisa, and Rowan were so so lovely to have a vacation with.

Love, AngelKein

05 June 2014


Andrea was really a pleasure to shoot. Statuesque, graceful and naturally photogenic, every shot was lovely. These pictures were actually taken during out graffiti hunt around the city. Andrea and I will be shooting together again in the near future and I'm absolutely excited!

Love, AngelKein